What now do I do?

A curiosity and a cry

Scrolling the TV for something to watch to put me to sleep. I do that sometimes when I don’t want to think. Most often, I’ll find a movie or some show I’ve already seen or maybe a really familiar one that’s already seen me. Its’ job is not entertainment but simply to watch me drift away.

Tonight was different, I was caught off guard when I stumbled across the name Nikki Giovanni. I was scrolling a list of apps on my Firestick and decided to see what HBOMax had going on. It had been some time since I last looked. And there on the top of the screen was “Going To Mars: The Nikki Giovanni Project”.

“Oh wow”, I thought. “I don’t know what this is but no way am I not going to watch this thing. No way am I going to turn it on, close my eyes and slip away into a dream. Sit up now Delia, and get ready to cry.” How do I know? Cause that’s what I always do when I have some kind of encounter with incredible human beings. Even if it is simply with their art or their story told on TV. I fluffed those giant bed pillows, sipped on a hot cup of coffee and pushed play.

This less than 2 hour documentary is about her life then, now, and many moments in between. In less than 4 minutes from the opening, I was in love and committed. But I’m not going to tell you why. You’ll have to go check it out yourself.

What I will share is the title of this piece came from Nikki. It’s something she said standing in a church pulpit, explaining why she answered her phone during service. Something she explained after realizing she was now the oldest member of her entire family. Something after a loss.

What now do I do?

I stopped the movie, closed my eyes, and began to wonder and weep. What now do I do?